Breaking Up is Hard to Do: On Leaving Well
It was love at first sight. From day one, you were smitten… Everything was different this time; perfect, easy, and invigorating. In its best moments, the relationship was intoxicating, stoking your deepest passions. You couldn’t get enough of your time together; you couldn’t imagine a day when the magic would come to an end. That’s until you realized the relationship wasn’t really a relationship at all. While you poured your heart, mind, and energy into the JOB, the job was no longer helping you grow, create, and thrive. In fact, you were slowly dying on the vine.
If we’re fortunate in this life, we’ll have a job or two that we truly love. I have been fortunate enough, although I’ve also made the difficult decision to leave and move on MANY times for the right career opportunity and a cultural fit. I’ve sought out the kind of job that has had me launching out of the bed in the morning and still feeling energized when the whistle blows at the end of the day. Maybe the people in the office make the job so damn satisfying, or maybe it’s the setting, the projects, the compensation, even a combination of all the above. There’s nothing wrong with being happy, right? In fact, a great job occasionally moves from the romance stage to full devotion. We may give and receive so much in the workplace, that we make the job our life’s work. If we’re devoted, we’re probably not leaving. If we’re devoted, we’re happy.
But sometimes the romance is all passion and no substance. Sometimes, this shallow passion – as great as it was at first – devolves into complacency. If we’re complacent, then we’re no longer moving forward. That’s a deal breaker. We must discern the difference between contentment and complacency. If we have become complacent on the job because we’re no longer challenged by the work, do we stick around because it’s easy and familiar? Or, is it time to move? Only you can answer these questions.
But, here’s what I know… Your relationship with the JOB must be mutually affirming. If you’re pouring all of yourself into the work, but come home feeling guilty, used, exhausted and/or “done,” you’re not be affirmed by the work. You’re not getting better at what you do. You’re on a highway leading to burnout and you’re slowly dying on the vine. Is this how you want to spend your vocational life, dying a slow death? Of course not.
The fix is twofold. For starters, even the happiest worker must engage in real vocational discernment. Translation? Commit yourself to self-assessment. What’s my ROI in this position? Do the people up the food chain appreciate what I bring to the organization? Am I learning anything new in this setting? Is there room for advancement? Do I have a healthy life and healthy relationships outside of the workplace? If you’re answer NO to most of these assessment questions – even if the work is rote and easy – you need to look around at other options. As you update your LinkedIn profile, also develop a set of questions that will help you assess future job options. As I often advise others “don’t be running away from a job…run TO your next”
If you are moving on from a job you used to love in pursuit of a new opportunity, take steps to leave well. Celebrate the interpersonal connections you forged at the company. Recognize the lessons learned in role, the ones that helped you intentionally or accidentally grow as a professional and a human being. Ritualize your departure too, by celebrating the time and sharing the best stories with the people who made it special.
Sometimes the most promising relationships come to an end. So it is in love and work. How it ends may be far more important than why it ends.
